october.

There comes a time every year when the leaves begin to change, the air gets chilly and you can’t really help but feel peaceful. I remember ever since I was 3 and moved into the new house how I would sit on the edge of my bed where the window was and peer outside to watch the teenagers drag race down our street. I did that tonight. It made me feel very nostalgic. It seems that lately I’ve been noticing things that I never have before. Like the streetlamp I walk by every day. Or the fact that there’s a moulding around my front door.


The cold does that to you.

But mostly I've been realizing things about myself. Like the fact that I would rather work alone than in a group, or that I hate being in a group of people I barely know. Which is weird considering I enjoy making videso on YouTube where I'm watched constantly by people I don't know and probably will never meet.
Call me an introvert, an attention-whore. Whatever.
The one self-realization that I've come to find daughnting, is that I've become one of my neighbourhood's clones. The thing I vowed not to become since I was little. Oh sure, I'm not as shallow or materialistic as them. I don't ask for every single thing, and my parents don't try to buy me out. But I've begun to fade into the crowd. I own the "uniform" (lululemons, American Apparel shirt, Uggs and a Tiffany necklace), I've started watching shallow TV shows, and I've begun to be able to follow empty-headed conversations.
It seems that in front of their eyes, I can't be myself. Like I'm always being judged.
It's stifling my individuality and that scares me.
I hate october

NEW RESOLUTION: gain perspective and get my individuality back!