Yeah. Be jealous.

Youtubeoggan was the shit. The people there were amazing, and I can't wait for the next gathering :)

Love you all!!

-Mickie

Why Isabel is made of awesome.

Isabel gave me a Channukah gift. This was my reaction.

-Mickie

Let the crappiness ensue!

Okie dokes. TIME TO BLOG.

So honestly, I'm not too sure what to write about. I want to keep this blog light and fluffy and happy and yadda yadda yadda. But the truth is, I've been having a pretty shitty month.

There's a lot I can't really talk about. Mostly cause, well, it's not really my story to tell. Or it's not something you spurt onto the interwebs. But what I can tell you, is that it's been a pretty hard month.

People have been getting sick, dying. It's just kind of depressing.

Maybe it's December. I always used to love December, but I think this whole "weather connected to emotions" thing is taking a toll on me. I'm a pretty positive person, don't get me wrong, but all that's going on is sort of leaving me melancholy.

The one thing I know, is that I can at least count on my YT friends :) Because, honestly? My IRL have been treating me like shit, lately. I always feel like this no matter which friend circle I seem to float into, I always feel like their doormat. I'm always that one you can count on... to not spaz if you bail out on. I'm the one who's always there for the shoulder to cry on... and then to be bossed around. I'm sick of it but I can never seem to get the cahones to do anything.
Recently though, I'm feeling blocked out. Nobody seems to take my word into an account, so I'm therefore known as "neutral". They shower me with love, telling others how amazing I am, and then spurt out all their pissiness at me. Like, what the fuck?

The second part of the drama is pretty damn recent. To explain, in my friend group there are two types of people. The "neutral" people (ie. me) and the separated people, meaning the majority of my friends. Think of it as the world's smallest civil war. I'm not gonna go really in depth, but I'll give you the jist. Amy is bitch to Matt. Matt is going out with Amy. Matt begins liking me. My close friends tell me never to go out with him. I become close friends with Matt. Matt dumps Amy. Amy'd dad dies in car crash. Matt worries Amy is suicidal. Matt in essence, asks me out. I twitter frantically all this. I am left severely confused.

And the third part is really complicated. For my whole life basically, I have done musical theatre, right? I know what your'e thinking.. "DORK!". Well yes. That is true. I am a dork. But in my acting class, many of my old cast members are going on to act in big things (ie. YTV, Degrassi etc etc.). Mainly, I'm feeling left in the dust. Actually, it runs a lot deeper. I'm just not really gonna write about THAT. But since I quit theatre this year, I feel like I've lost a part of me. And I don't think I can ever fully get that part back.

Anyway, the rest is all schoolwork/family related. Otherwise known as restricted blogging territory.
I've pretty much pushed my limit with this post.

Anyway. Pity party, over. I'm going to bed.

a forced blog post

So. Time for a blog post!

To be quite honest, I'm going to be really bad at this. Like, severely bad.
Like most pointless thing on the internet bad.
Like most pointless thing on the planet bad.


Well maybe not that bad, but you get the picture.

I'm mainly only updating this right now because Alex (WestsideProductionz) is making me.
He is on Skype with me right now. With words of encouragement. Blagh. (Sorry Alex)

I know I will be bad at this mainly because I have attempted to keep a blog/diary before. And I failed miserably. My attention span for things is usually equivalent to that of a bird. I'm intrigued with something until I see something shiny. Then it's over.

Also, I never will know what to write. I already need to keep a journal for my English class and needless to say, I'm not doing too good on the whole "consistency" part of it.

Maybe I'll post some of my stories from there here? Is that cheating? Meh... don't care ^.^

Anyhow. That's just an update.

Prepare for a whirlwind of bloggy fun! Or not...

october.

There comes a time every year when the leaves begin to change, the air gets chilly and you can’t really help but feel peaceful. I remember ever since I was 3 and moved into the new house how I would sit on the edge of my bed where the window was and peer outside to watch the teenagers drag race down our street. I did that tonight. It made me feel very nostalgic. It seems that lately I’ve been noticing things that I never have before. Like the streetlamp I walk by every day. Or the fact that there’s a moulding around my front door.


The cold does that to you.

But mostly I've been realizing things about myself. Like the fact that I would rather work alone than in a group, or that I hate being in a group of people I barely know. Which is weird considering I enjoy making videso on YouTube where I'm watched constantly by people I don't know and probably will never meet.
Call me an introvert, an attention-whore. Whatever.
The one self-realization that I've come to find daughnting, is that I've become one of my neighbourhood's clones. The thing I vowed not to become since I was little. Oh sure, I'm not as shallow or materialistic as them. I don't ask for every single thing, and my parents don't try to buy me out. But I've begun to fade into the crowd. I own the "uniform" (lululemons, American Apparel shirt, Uggs and a Tiffany necklace), I've started watching shallow TV shows, and I've begun to be able to follow empty-headed conversations.
It seems that in front of their eyes, I can't be myself. Like I'm always being judged.
It's stifling my individuality and that scares me.
I hate october

NEW RESOLUTION: gain perspective and get my individuality back!